


Ugly Duckling

by zeldaluvr1



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-23
Updated: 2013-03-23
Packaged: 2017-12-06 06:54:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/732699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeldaluvr1/pseuds/zeldaluvr1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Calliope English and you just inherited an outrageous fortune, and because of that, your brother is trying to kill you. But that's okay. That's not nearly as important as attending your dance class twice a week.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ugly Duckling

**Author's Note:**

> A gift from my RP buddy, serpentbearer! The whole AU was her idea, but she was ok with me writing it and... it kinda got out of control and... Oops...
> 
> Enjoy?

It is a bright and beautiful Monday morning, and what a wonderful start to a day that's going to turn out to be the start of everything - both the good and the bad.

To call it "morning" is a bit of a stretch, if you're being perfectly honest with yourself, but when you're waking up at ~11:30, you'll tell yourself anything to make yourself feel like your life is under control. The only thing that keeps you from sleeping longer is a lunch date with your lesBFF and her... Oh, what are they calling each other now? No matter, she'll tell you when you get there.

You climb out of bed, looking like a complete train wreck, and manage to stub your toe on the way to the shower like the graceful swan you are. But a quick shower, a change of wardrobe, and a ribbon in your hair are all you need to look presentable again. You check everything one last time in the mirror before heading out with a confident smile.

Your name is Calliope English, and today is going to be a good day.

The quaint little coffee shop you've arranged to meet your friends at is easy to find, and is pleasantly uncrowded on this particular Monday... afternoon (you finally relent to the proper term after checking your watch with a sigh - 12:45 is _not_ a morning hour). You're a little late, from the look of it, as your dear lesBFF is already seated and served. "Hi, Feferi!" you call to her with cheer. "I'm so terribly sorry for my tardiness! But it looks like I'm not in last place, at the very least!"

Feferi Peixes is a tried and true friend, you've come to learn - the chummiest of chums! As of late, the two of you have adopted somewhat of a fauxlationship that you like to call, "LesBFFsianship." It basically just means you mess around and pretend to be a cutesy couple and you go out on dates a lot. But the great thing is that it's fake, so you get all the fun of being in a relationship with none of the emotional hassle! It's a very nice friendship, and she's a very precious girl. How happy it makes you to see her face light up at the sound of your voice! It makes you positive that she thinks the same about you, and that's probably the best feeling in the world. Everyone wants to be loved by the people they love.

"I dunno _where_ that butthead went!" sighs Feferi, pulling a chair out for her lovely lesBFF. "He passed by in his car a few minutes ago and hasn't... Oh!" She looks past you with a telling smile. "Speak of the sexy devil and he doth appear in the form of Eridan 'Beach Babe' Ampora."

"--Fef!!"

Recognizing that voice, you turn and look just in time to see one Eridan Ampora take a seat at our table. As can be assumed by the fact that you're meeting up with him, he's another one of your closest friends - but there's more to it than that. On Wednesdays and Saturdays, he acts as your dance instructor as well. He's insanely wealthy due to an inheritance from his dead father, once a renowned admiral serving in the Navy. But even though he's set in the upper echelons of the wealthiest class, he still works as a dance instructor to pass the time. And boy are you glad for that - how else would you spend your lonely after-work evenings?

Oh. You also have a crush on him. That's probably something you should note.

"Sorry to keep you lovely ladies waitin'," he tells you as he straightens his glasses. With his half-buttoned dress shirt and navy blue pants, he arrives looking like a windswept sailor. You and Feferi collectively sigh. What a dreamboat.

"Eridan, you're too attractive. Here, have some chocolate so you can break out with ugly pimples all over your sexy face," Feferi huffs, shoving some cake towards him.

He pushes it back with a blunt and cruel, "No thanks, ugly blemishes and fat red zits suit you better." The two of you laugh at the expression of absolute horror Feferi wears. Her cheeks puff out and she slouches and suddenly increases her cuteness exponentially. It's a miracle of science, no one knows how she does it. Her reaction to everything is so comically over-the-top, but it's just another one of her many adorable charms. And with a cute face like that, how could Eridan _not_ apologize? "Come on, Fef, it was just a little jab! No need to get all sensitive on me."

"I called you attractive!" she whines with a nauseatingly adorable pout. "But you said I was _ugly_. Eridan, you are the worst friend _ever_. Callie doesn't say mean things to me!"

"Yeah but it don't mean she ain't sayin' 'em _about_ you," he mutters, and you teasingly nudge him in the ribs with your elbow. What a little rat. "She laughs at you all the time, Fef!" he accuses, and you feign a look of astonishment. "See, look, she's even laughing now. Look at that face, Fef. That is the face of a liar."

"Well, I never," you scoff, and instead turn the conversation to your favorite game - "Let's Pick on Eridan." "Isn't it awful that he pretends to be so chivalrous, and then turns right back around and calls you a fat ugly zit?"

"Hey, that's not what I--"

"You know, just the other day he told me that I dance like an old lady!"

"That old lady I was comparing you to was a world famous professional ballroom dancer!"

"It's okay, though," Feferi replied absently as she took a sip of soda. "He's super hot, so it's okay."

"Feeeeeeeef," he whines at her, but you and your lesBFF both know very well that he _loves_ the complements.

"Totally hot," you agree.

"The hottest."

"What a ten."

"Would bang."

"Have you heard his accent?"

"Have you seen his ass?"

"Unf."

"Double unf."

"--FEF!!!"

And so the date goes as all your dates go. You talk and tease and joke and laugh and after an hour, when the cafe's traffic is picking up, the owners realize that the 3 of you are taking up space and not buying anything, so soon enough you're kicked to the curb. "The nerve of them!" huffs an outraged Eridan, but neither you nor Feferi really mind. It doesn't matter where you are, so long as you're all together.

The merriment isn't hindered in the slightest by your loss of seating - and it's not like wandering was any less fun. If anything, it was made even _more_ fun, because now you could also window shop. But the trouble with people as rich as the Ampora-Peixes duo is that it soon turns into actual shopping, and Feferi leaps at the chance to make new additions to her wardrobe.

You and Eridan stand off to the side while Feferi browses the store's selection. "So, you're descended from _royalty_?" you ask again after the topic resurfaces from a conversation a few days ago. Your tone is skeptical, but you really don't think you'd doubt it.

"Not only that," Feferi adds with excitement, "but it turns out Eridan and I are also distantly related!"

"Really?" Also unsurprising. They act so much like brother and sister that you thought they _were_ for the longest time. That made things rather awkward when they spoke of their old relationship and break-up - that is, of course, until they cleared up the misconception. Just recalling how you assumed they were incestuous makes you red in the face! "So where do you trace your lineage?"

Feferi made a show of wrapping herself in a flamboyant boa before starting her story. "So, there was an Austrian queen who had a daughter who goes to Spain. And _her_ granddaughter goes to Portugal, and her son goes to Brazil where they stay for 3 generations before heading up here. That's where my family names come from, I'd assume. Must've been funny to say! 'Peixes' means 'fish' in Portuguese. But! Here's Eridan's story. The same Austrian queen has a daughter who goes to Prussia and marries the Kaiser. Her son inherits the title, his son goes to England, his grandson goes to America, and, well. That's how the story goes.

"Hmm..." you hum. Feferi's story lost you by the 3rd or 4th generation. "So, basically, what you're telling me is that your relationship really _was_ incestuous..."

"--CAL!!"

Feferi leaves with $200 with of merchandise, and you and Eridan follow close behind. "We're always talkin' about ourselves, Cal," Eridan starts, "but you hardly ever talk about yourself. Come on, it's your turn in the spotlight."

It's very obvious that you're hesitant to share anything, but... there's no harm in it, is there? "Well, I..." you begin to speak, and would have trailed off and kept silent had it not been for the look of expectancy you could see in their eyes. So, with a sigh, you are pressured to continue. "I have a brother."

"Do you?"

"I do. He's an awful, spoiled tyrant of a child who revels in my torment. My father loved him for it. He was just as unkind to me as my brother. I never knew my mother." You pause to gauge their reaction. They seem to be struck with a confused sympathy, and the pity you see they hold for you makes you feel... weak. You don't like feeling this pathetic.

The hour has grown late, and you're glad for it. It gives you the perfect excuse to abscond from the scene. Ducking your head, you brush past your friends with a low mumble of, "I should be on my way." Feferi tries to stop you, but you ignore her plea. Your head is swimming with visions of your tortured childhood as you find and get into your car, and you have to sit and focus on breathing for a few moments so you can stop your hands from shaking. You just barely dodged a panic attack and you know it. It's not their fault that you called back all those terrible memories, and you know you'll have to thoroughly assure them of that later. The embarrassment of leaving so abruptly is ultimately what calms you down, surprisingly enough.

It's a long drive home. You don't remember getting there taking his long, and with each passing minute, a sense of dread grows within you like a tumor. You can almost _feel_ your insides tying itself into a square knot. Fearing the onset of another panic attack, you turn on the radio to serve as a distraction. It's been so long since you had a breakdown. You were doing so well! You certainly don't want to ruin your record now.

All is dark and quiet as you enter your plain and boring flat. Your heart is still beating wildly, and after standing still for a moment with your ears trained for any sound, you rush about the rooms and turn on every light in the house, searching for an intruder that isn't there.

The phone rings.

Its shrill cry nearly makes you jump out of your own skin. But you manage to keep calm and remind yourself that it's probably just Eridan or Feferi checking up on you. Convinced, you pick up the receiver and greet your caller with a cheerful, "Hello!"

The speaker's voice is cold and unfriendly and so terrifyingly _familiar_. You freeze up all over again when you hear the woman speak, recognizing the voice from unhappier times. And her ominous message leaves you speechless and scared for a long while after the call has ended.

"Your father is dead. Your brother is coming. We need to meet soon."


End file.
